A policeman’s lot is not a happy one

In the absence of any serious campaigning today in the Westbourne by-election due to the poor weather, I thought I would share the following account that was sent to me by a certain G. Cox. (Apologies, it is not very good)

“I was proceeding in a westerly direction along Church Road, Hove, when I came across a by-election in the vicinity of Westbourne Ward.

“Loitering, with intent to canvass, was a well-known villain from the infamous Green Gang, known to me only as ‘Hawtree’. I said “‘allo ‘allo ‘allo, what’s going on here, then?”. He replied: “You won’t take me alive, Copper”.

“I was momentarily distracted by the sight of a few members of the Whitehawk Crew, well off their manor. They were clearly casing the joint and had come equipped, with a list of addresses of vulnerable people they hoped to dupe.

“I had reasonable suspicion that they were up to no good, and challenged them. “It’s fair cop”, said one of the Mitchell brothers.

“But a policeman’s lot is more than fighting crime, it is being a servant of the people. I spent time searching for a missing police station that had last been seen in the Holland Road area. I came across a confused man with a beard who said his name was Perrin. “Do you know where you belong?” I asked him. “Brussels” he kept saying.

“Later that evening, I had cause to attend a disturbance at Belushi’s Below where a young female, early twenties, speaking with a strong Northern Ireland accent, and dressed in what can only be described as a costume of a Grizzly Bear, was saying to anyone who would listen: “Come to Momma”.

“I think I’ve coined a phrase: “tough of crime, tough on the causes of crime” but people back at base seem to have a problem with it. Can’t think why.”

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27 Responses

  1. Oh dear. Predicted result now; Elected GREEN. 2nd place LABOUR, 3rd Place CONSERVATIVES

  2. I’m hearing of a Labour and Tory alliance against the green budget… Well I never….

    • I think thats the greens grand plan.

      Greens ‘forced’ to freeze tax and take gov 2.5% – then they can blame conservatives/labour (and soon UKIP) for opposing their tax rise.

      • Given the 15% turn out in the latest Littlehampton ward election, if you can get 10 voters out on December 22nd you might just do it Paul.

      • Every journey starts with a single step – it ends with a single step too – you’ll know which one it was sometime after you have taken it 🙂

      • Pepperpot – I note the Tory majority in Littlehampton (River) has ‘collapsed’ from 20 to 14, although, as it was held by Labour before May, there maybe some comfort for the Tories there. Labour up from third to second – am I grasping at straws?

  3. I have been known to perform Punch and Judy – no reminder needed of what happens to the copper…

    But good to know the conservatives can only challenge some bogus stereotype rather than the issues raised.

    That’s the way to do it!

    (Have booth will travel)

  4. One day, Baps, I’m actually going to go to Belushi’s dressed in a bear costume and send you a pic.

  5. This evening I was out on a mission of international, well Westbourne, derring-do, and managed to slip under Sgt Cox’s radar but did run up against Councillor Gill Mitchell who had Cllr Morgan as her minder while venturing into these distant parts. After she made the point that she leads the real opposition on the Council – an interesting notion perhaps at odds with her Tory love-in over the Budget – she said “it’s cold”; to which I replied, “no. it’s bracing, challenging, and enthusing”

    Sounds as if this campaign could do wonders for a trade in thermal socks on George Street.

    • The Hawtree that feels no cold he only feels braced, challenged and enthused!

      • A good time was had by all on the seafront stall with the Westbourne crew this evening – Labour and the Tories were nowhere to be seen! Captain Hawtree was in his sou’wester and in his element, and made a good joke about “damp squibs” as opposition leaflets washed passed us in the waves. These are hard times, with bad weather and rocky seas but I think the Westbourne electorate admire our courage in adversity.

  6. Chris – there isn’t any ‘deal’ with the Tories though I can see it suits some Greens to keep perpetuating this myth as a desperate distraction from your cuts budget. I can see why you would be embarrassed as someone who campaigned passionately for libraries and is now overseeing cuts to the library service.

  7. Mr Hawtree will be voting to cut library funding. No wonder politicians0 are held in such low esteem when they display such barefaced hypocrisy. Resignation in order?

  8. Will Christopher Hawtree resign over savage cuts to the libraries budget?

  9. Hi, Craig.

    I have just got the Bob Dylan Christmas disc, complete with the cards. I am suprised that you would not countenance this one. I think it could be a vote-winner.

    As you know, he is keen on libraries, as in Chronicles. You challenge me on libraries, and so does somebody going by the unfortunate name of “Roddy”. Faced by Govt cuts of a third overall, I think that Hove and Brighton have come out of the library situation well. No buildings lost. Unlike so many places around the country, about which I get dozens of messages each day.

    Would you care to be a little more specific? and also offer your take on the way these should be organised? Very much in favour of pooling ideas.

    Indeed, at the beginning of January there is a session which studies the Library Plan for the next three years, and no doubt Cllr Marsh will be happy to act as a conduit for your opinions.

    Meanwhile, on the campaign trail today I encountered a rabid couple. The postman burst out laughing as he chanced by while they were in full rant. You know the type: “at least Pol Pot didn’t put up parking charges.” Paradoxically enough, I am always cheered by the full-on rant brigade. I make it a rule not to stop after such an encounter until I have got an extra dozen people of a more equable disposition.

    But I am not here to give away campaign tactics, unless of course you relent and buy the Bob Dylan, listen closely and follow his vote-winning advice. I can’t say fairer than that.

    • Does anyone here actually use Jubilee library? I bet not – because there is nothing there to use.

      A few books on low level shelves tagged on the back of a gift shop.

      If you find the janitors staircase, go past the toilets and some private rooms there’s a little more stuff on more low level shelves.

      I think the sheet music section has a lot of stock (does anyone know about it?), but wasn’t that transferred from a specialist library that was closed?

      Nasty place. I know it has awards, but I can’t imagine what they were judging it on…

      But this is about the council, so none of this matters, all that matters is the budget… More good, less worse eh?

      • Totally agree with you. A temple of contemplation architecturally, but, kitted out by BHCC just a hovel full of floor points (which CH reputedly took the trouble to count) and clattering computers (too many jammed in one room with only one natural light source and stacks you need a torch to peruse. Vile place.

      • I do use it for research, but it has serious limitations. Not enough books on open shelves and the way you have to walk all round the houses to get to the first floor is infuriating. Style over content is a good way of putting it.

        The staff are helpful and are swift to get books out of the stack for you, though.

  10. Are you referring to ‘With God on our Side’ or ‘Too Much of Nothing’?

    • i suspect that, ooh baby, you crave that “Million Dollar Bash”. I should not, though, be so cheap as to say “This Wealls On Fire”. Any more of this and, ahem, terrible thought, residents will be “Tangled up in Blue”.

      • Chris, Shelter from the storm (not the Christmas one but the album I actually have) might serve all the campaigners who are out and about over this cold period well, including you sir.

        Or perhaps I am just being a Jokerman… 😉 see what I did there.

        Depressing life.

  11. As a bibliophile (my windows would be smashed in if I admitted to that in my native south Wales!) I must say that Jubilee Library is a triumph of style over substance. The book stock is poor. I gave up using this library three years ago because there are not the books there to do any serious research. I buy the books I need online now. Nice building though. If I wasn’t homosexual I might ponder that my grandchildren will still be pay paying back the PPI loan for this pretty but useless building in 2050.

  12. Levity reigns from many of the blogs above..goodwill to all Tories,UKIPS,Socialists and little green men. A seasonal reminder that all bloggers are all part of a human family and are trying to act for the common good.

    So politics is only part of life not life itself. Having said that Chief Superintendt Cox has had a very good week or so. Cameron has enthused Little Englanders Albion have been trashed by Green councillors and the Argus gets more heated in budget mobilising the anti-Green forces. Les Hamilton attacked the Green budget from the right-so why vote Lab when you can vote real Tory?

    On the ground there is very little evidence of Green enthusiasm based on posters. Littlehampton River byelection was a good result for the Blues and relatively poor for Lab on an incredibly low turnout.

    Differential turnout is key-in a 30%poll all 3 main parties could win. But who now has the motivation? It is the forces of law and order. Therefore the die seems to be cast with Greens getting an ever more strident bad press pre poll poll.

    The presence of Paul Perrin will change the focus of the byelection back to the EU and further galvanise the Tory vote.

    Therefore I’d like to change my predictions:
    Cox 800
    Jenner 600
    Green 500
    Perrin 100
    Other 20

    But it isn’t over ’till its over and more issues may change this prediction.

    • The result won’t be easy to call on issues. Given the date and the large number of existing postal votes in Westbourne there will be a heavy built in bias towards the conservatives.

      There is also quite a bit of voter fatigue making people less receptive – one gentleman, on opening his door presented a heap of leaflets and posters (mainly green as it happens, but I saw labour in there too) and asked if I could take them away (not quite sobbing – but he seemed close).

      Of course I had to decline the heap of paper. As rubbish collection carries so much green licencing, fines, tax etc I’d probably never be able to put it down legally so like atlas have to carry the burden for ever.

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